But I just need to y’know, get stuff off my chest. And hey, my blog so I can post.
I saw a new psychiatrist this afternoon, basically the boss of the one I’ve been seeing and OMG so good! It felt like there was actually two of us in the room instead of a guy in the corner asking me questions and I answer them, which while is good for generally getting stuff off my chest is not conducive to any long term solutions.
He really listened to me and we analysed stuff together and he asked me pertinent questions, including one that no therapist has ever asked me before and I felt was really important. Although he’s actually Spanish so doesn’t catch everything I say first time - case in point, when I said I played with Barbies as a child as opposed to real people most the time he thought I said boobies! But he’s really friendly and totally put me at ease. Plus he actually wound down the session properly which has left me feeling pretty light, like a massage of the soul or some equally silly expression, whereas with the other guy sees the clock get to quarter to and stops the session, whether I’m in the middle of crying or talking about something really important to me. And the one before that was lovely but always left me feeling a bit frustrated because I felt like she wasn’t listening to me properly
tl;dr I have a fantastic new psychiatrist who doesn’t leave me feeling tightly wound and emotionally wrought. Third time lucky I guess. He’s also willing to give me a different diagnosis once he’s seen me a few times and assessed me properly because he understands I’m not 100% behind my label, which has been making me feel a bit like a triangle being shoved in to a square hole in terms of treatment.
During the talks she was saying about how she hated the cupboard scenes between Cordy and Xander because she didn’t want Cordelia to be a slut and be a bad role model. Which just felt a bit of a shame because I always considered Cordelia to be one of the characters that was more comfortable with her sexuality. Like she didn’t have that much sex on screen but it always felt like she very much took sex into her own hands and didn’t give a damn what other people thought (for instance coming on to Wes so strongly in front of everyone). It was just a bit annoying to hear Charisma undermine Cordy like that, although that didn’t stop me fan girl squealing when I came out from having my photo done!